Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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