3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
