After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
