I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
