brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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