pop tarts are not kleenex
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize