In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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