On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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