dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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