Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
