I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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