there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
