he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
you will always have a special place in my vag
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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