Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
