Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
