i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
