their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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