why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
