We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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