no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You were trust falling into bushes
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
