seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
