the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
