saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
