I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
