and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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