We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
