I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Drake has all the answers
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
