This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
