if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize