Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
