It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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