Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
