I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
