The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
