every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
