every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
