you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
