I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
