I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
