STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
