I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
