; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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