If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I booty called her while she was in labor.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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