I hate your face
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
