I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
