2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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