2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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