It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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