He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
