dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Randomize
