why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
nutella sex= disaster
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
