It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
