Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You're like the curious george of whores
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I think I sprained my soul last night
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
