Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
