I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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