Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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