I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
