Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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