Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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