we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
