My brain says no but my pants say off.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
