my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
they need to just BURY HIM!
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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