That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
