The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
The power of my boobs compel you
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
