Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
