and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
