it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
