im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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