He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
