just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
