I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
