she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
